Tag Archives: tobacco

A Man With A Van

Reading this blog illegally? Stop it or face arrest. Text BLOG to 78070. We can tell you know. All I need is your email address, and someone at the NSA who has a bit of a thing for me, and I can find out everything there is to know about you.

Ok so restricting the use of the internet by illegal immigrants is a tricky one, particularly as I don’t think there’s such a thing as an illegal immigrant on the internet. I think there are just people and websites, and America listening into the whole thing.

Trying to control people’s physical location is something we can look out, however. Enter: #racistvan. What a great idea! Driving vans with inappropriately offensive messages around areas that have a less than average number of white people – brilliant! They’re sort of like Ice Cream Vans, but instead of trying to attract children we’re trying to attract illegal immigrants. Perhaps if we played a creepy polyphonic version of Greensleeves at the same time we’d attract illegal immigrants with children. That’s the double whammy – you have to leave the country AND there’s not actually any ice cream.

Unfortunately the rest of the country doesn’t seem to have embraced the idea in the same way. Even Nigel has called it ‘nasty’. It all just makes me very confused. Particularly as I accidently stored the number in my phone under ‘Taxi’ last night and got a very awkward phone call from the UK Border Agency this morning.

Personally I don’t see what the fuss is about. It’s not like we’re sending our immigrants to concentration camps on Jersey. Who would do such a thing, really? Talking of Australia, I’m now off to meet Lynton Crosby. Yes, he is an immigrant. No he hasn’t text the number. I have given him the NHS Smoking Helpline though.


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