Tag Archives: samantha osbourne

Food For Thought

My time as PM has, some might be surprised to learn, taught me a great deal. It has taught me that America does what the fuck it likes 99.9% of the time, that the general public does not react well to increasing the price of pasties, and that school teachers do not like Michael Gove. At all. However, one of the most surprising lessons I have learnt is that food is very important. When you’re entire job consists of jumping/tumbling/catapulting from one cock up to the next, it’s really important to eat well. Without three solid meals a day, how can George and I be expected to deliver 3% economic growth in three years? When you’re performing at such high levels, getting your brain food is crucial.

The problem I face on a daily basis is deciding what exactly I want to eat. Someone in my position never knows if it’ll be my last meal (funded by the taxpayer) so one has to treat the decision with the respect it deserves. The problem with being as rich as I am (as well as getting most of my food for free) is that the choice is quite literally endless. It’s a real issue for me, and something that other people just don’t have to deal with (unless they shop at Aldi, which allows anyone to eat like a king).

Given the overwhelming choice I face, I have narrowed my go-to meals to a select few, and the one that generally comes out on top is some sort of burger. My love for them really is unrivalled (sorry Samantha). Unfortunately my feelings towards them have been tarnished recently due to the low key PR disaster of Burgergate. This is what happens when you let George Osbourne on Twitter. However, I have recently rediscovered my interest in them with the news that the first artificially made burger has been cooked and eaten at a private gathering in London.

Skipping over the fact that most fast food chains have been dishing up what can only really be described as ‘artificial burgers’ for years, this is pretty exciting stuff, particularly for a burger connoisseur such as myself. My only disappointment, but it’s a fairly substantial one, is that I wasn’t invited. It’s like Boris’s birthday all over again.

To take my mind off this frustration I have turned my attention to bugs. No I’m not talking about listening in to the general public’s private lives – GCHQ are very much on top of that – I’m talking about bugs that I can eat. My secret sources (i.e. the internet) tell me that insects are actually the future of food. They’re full of protein, apparently pretty tasty, and there are lots and lots of them. After the runaway success of my first cook book (Horsing Around with Dave Cameron – read all about it here), I’m feeling the urge to write a second. I’m thinking something along the lines of ‘Grubs Up! with Dave Cameron’ (slogan: Dave’s caught the cooking bug! Have you???)


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