Look I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry I haven’t written a new diary entry in almost two months. The truth is, I was starting to get too emotionally invested. It was seriously taking over the day job – I was unengaged in meetings, kept missing appointments, and I made some pretty bad decisions about the economy (alright, that last one had been happening for a while). The wake-up call came when Samantha accused me of having a more fulfilling relationship with my computer than with her (complete with some rather unnecessary imagery about the device’s USB ports that I strongly deny).
So I toned down my diarising and it turns out I do actually have better things to do than sit at my desk trying to engage a bunch of faceless people who probably won’t vote for me anyway. So yeah, fuck you.
This new found freedom meant I discovered a whole load of things that I was previously unaware of, such as the Great British Bake Off, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and IKEA. Alas this awakening was short-lived when I realised that stopping my diarising somewhat went against my previous claim that I would lead the most transparent government ever. Alright fine, that claim was thoroughly trashed a long time ago. I came back because I missed it. Are you happy? I missed the space to talk uninterruptedly in detail about my life. Does that make me narcissistic? Probably, but I’m the Prime Minster for god sake, I think the question of my narcissism was answered a long time ago.
Anyway, enough of this defensiveness. There has been a lot going on! Here’s a summary:
– It’s Party Time. More accurately, it was party time. Political Party Conference time, that is. I did a speech, Ed Miliband did a speech. Everyone agrees Ed won. Hmmm.
– The US nearly collapsed in on itself. The rest of the world looked on bemused. The Republican Party looked silly (more so than usual).
– George got bashed by the head of the International Monetary Fund for our economic plan. Not physically bashed, she used her words. But they still hurt.
– The Daily Mail offended the entire world (this isn’t particularly newsworthy, granted).
– Key people are still arguing about the HS2 rail project. Everyone else is bored.
That’s sort of it. Two months of politics and it can be summed up as a bunch of stupid people doing stupid things, a bunch of slightly less stupid people doing slightly less stupid things, and a whole load of unnecessary public speaking thrown in to distract everyone. Business as usual then.