Another day, another clash between me and, well, everyone else. This time the ‘everyone else’ are the grassroots campaigners of the Conservative Party. They’ve been getting restless lately, like some sort of mythical monster that hasn’t been fed enough local orphans. The difficulty I face (apart from a lack of orphans), is that they’re favourite dish is a combination of anti-European and anti-gay delicacies. Now this is obviously an area where I and others in the Conservative leadership disagree with them, resulting in some pretty hefty unrest and some highly original name calling. ‘Swivel eyed loons’ is not a term that one tends to hear in everyday conversation but it has become front page news since Lord Feldman chose to brand our own party activists in such a creative way. I’d be angry with him if I wasn’t so impressed with his choice of words.
Clearly then, there is a disconnect between us up here and them down there. There are two possible reasons for this. It could be that they just can’t comprehend the complexities of actually governing the county, with all the different influences you have to consider, and so they are sticking frustratingly to their principles. Sort of like the Lib Dems did until two years ago when they realised they were going to have to compromise (read: crumble) on every policy they’d ever had.
Or it could simply be that Conservative activists are totally mental. Realistically, this is probably the actual reason. Every party has those crazies that they try to hide away. Labour pretends it doesn’t have any mental lefty members crying out for the re-nationalisation of everything. Of course it does. Likewise us Conservatives like to pretend we don’t have any crazy, homophobic, isolationist, xenophobic, old white folk still floating about when in reality that’s actually about 50% of the people who vote for us.
As with most things in life, I was reflecting on how all of this has affected me. There’s no denying that it’s making me look weak. Having to call on Ed Miliband to save the Gay Marriage bill is sort of like asking for help from a wet flannel. Embarrassing. More concerning however is the ever growing presence of UKIP, hanging around like a racist smell only one percentage point below us. Our most swivel eyed supporters may yet choose to take their support further to the right. When the people you rely on to get you elected are pissed off with you, it’s sort of a bad sign for the future
It seems to me that the solution to this issue is not actually to solve it at all, but rather to push focus onto someone else’s incompetence instead. Standard. This also has the added bonus of allowing me to try out my own creative insults. Alright, yes that is my main motivation. What can I say? I’m feeling inspired. Inspired to be a bastard.